I don’t think you become the five people you surround yourself with most. At least not immediately. If anything we choose to surround ourselves with people who agree with the same values, norms, and beliefs that we do. The world of social circles is usually a self-constructed echo-chamber of sorts for many of us and outsiders with differing opinions are rarely welcomed in. That being said, the people you surround yourself with are most definitely a reflection of who you are. Additionally, we rise to the level of expectation that certain groups hold for themselves. I believe that strong groups create strong individuals.

In the business world they refer to certain areas as “status centers” places that select and churn out high-performers. In the military these high performers are usually created in front-line infantry and SOF units. Go into any industry or community of practice and ask people where the best individuals generally come from and they can name a few companies right off of the top of their head. I know why that is from anecdotal experience and from legitimate psychological study, but it warrants a deliberate breakdown.

The Bro-Science of Iron Sharpening Iron

When I moved to Pensacola, Florida I had a lot of time on my hands awaiting training as a Naval Aviator. Many young Marine Officers turn to alcohol and night life in that time period to enjoy their last bit of freedom before being surrounded by discussions of aerodynamics and weather. I partook in that a little, but due to the alcoholism that runs in my family, I focused more on developing myself physically. I ran into a group of guys at a gym called Crossfit Sidewinder who were training to compete in the Pensacola Beach Brawl the following year. I decided to join them.

The first day I worked out with them we were rowing 1000 meter intervals for time. I opened my pace up at a solid 1:35 min per 500 meter average, and then I settled into around 1:45 min per 500 meter pace. Derrick, my new found training partner told me there was no way I was going to be able to hold that pace. Derrick was unaware that I had a collegiate crew coach teaching me how to row at my previous gym and that I knew exactly what pace I could hold for a 1k. After smoking all of my new training partners and finding myself victorious in our first competitive endeavor together I felt quite smug and accomplished.

The following day we had back squats on the menu and though it was a weakness of mine, I surely could smoke these new workout partners who couldn’t hold a steady 1k row pace. Couldn’t I? Well no, actually Derrick could squat a house. He also was an impeccable runner. Eventually Derrick and I were in a similar position on the rower and while strength takes a long time to gain, I saw my 1 rep max back squat going up. One of our other partner’s Marcus (the gym owner, fellow podcaster, and future podcast guest) couldn’t run for shit, but no one dropped under the bar faster than he did when going for a one-rep max snatch. Again all of our snatch one rep maxes, increased. Why was this happening, was there something in the water at Crossfit Sidewinder? It is possible there was because to date that’s still the most fit I was for crossfit competitions in my entire life.

The psychology behind improving as a group

Albert Bandura encompasses this phenomena under his patented “Self-Efficacy” theory. To break it down without going directly into the theoretical side of things; It is a requirement for individuals attempting to complete a certain goal to be able to see the path to completion. Case in point, Roger Bannister breaking the four-minute mile record. Scientists told everyone that it was impossible for a human to do so. Roger Bannister proved them wrong by running a sub-four-minute mile. The most interesting part came after the fact. More people began breaking the four-minute mile mark. Up until that point everyone satisfied themselves with the belief that it wasn’t possible and failed to complete the task. Once Bannister showed them the way, multiple people followed and proving that Bannister was not an exception to the once believed theory that it was an impossible feat.

I personally believe that the same situation occurred with my workout partners in Pensacola. We all managed to see the path that the other was taking to improve upon their existing weakness. I could see that Derrick was getting better at rowing, and in turn it pushed me to get better at back squatting. After all if this guy was improving why coudln’t I? He was human. He didn’t have some super power. The same happened with Marcus as he helped my to reach a new 1 rep max snatch that I never thought was possible. I saw that an average individual who was very similar to me in athletic capability to achieve impressive gains and in turn made the same achievements.

How do we maximize this ability to improve?

I think one of the reasons that we need other individuals to show us a path is because we accept the limiting belief that our competitors are super-human. We grant them these super-powers that they don’t deserve out of an effort to excuse ourselves from achieving greatness. When you watch an individual snatch 300 lbs on a youtube video, we assume they’re some stellar athlete endowed with amazing talent. When really, that person is a human just as we are. They wake up every day, breath in the same air, put their pants on one leg at a time, and they have the same 24 hours in a day. They just choose to apply themselves differently than we do.

The Marine Corps showed me how to drop this limiting belief in one of the best ways possible. We often turn our enemies into the boogey man. We make them out to be a super powerful force capable of great feats. Rarely is that the case. Our nation’s founding is a great example of this. Everyone has a weakness and our military managed to exploit that weakness to defeat the greatest army from the greatest empire the world had ever seen. The enemy is not the boogey man. He is human. He has weaknesses just like you do, and I promise if you punch him in the throat it will hurt.

You have weaknesses but you also have strengths. The other people around you are not super-human they just have applied themselves in a specific area more than you have. Do not give them super powers that they don’t deserve. Surround yourself with people working toward goals, any goals, and making watching that process your own super power. Those people who tell you that something is impossible are generally unwilling to achieve great things themselves. Unless you are trying to become a dolphin. You most likely will never become a dolphin if you were not born as a dolphin.

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About the Author

John McCarthy is a Father, Son, Husband and former Marine Infantry Officer. He serves his local community and just wants to push people to be better humans. Check out the Tough Talk Podcast and other writings on this website to learn more.

Like what you see? Check out more.

• Adaptation Is a Beautiful Thing
• Trying Out The Wim Hof Method
• The Skills Evolution Forgot
• The Optimal Morning Routine Is Not All It Is Cracked Up To Be.
• Business Leadership Vs. Battlefield Prowess

Join Our Followers

I’m fortunate that my wife and I met at a beautiful University in a little town in Hamden, CT that is situated right next to a small mountain called The Sleeping Giant. Her family lives near that mountain still so when ever we come to visit I try to make it back over to the Giant. Why? Because that mountain made me a Marine Officer. I was 225 Lbs my sophomore year of college. I had been drinking every single day with my fraternity brothers and living it up, indulging in what I wanted, whenever I wanted.

A year of finishing thirty-packs of beer and handles of vodka, sometimes in the same night and no I’m not exaggerating, left me very “fluffy.” It also turned me into a creature much like your average citizen we see in the world today. My waistline seeped over my belt like the edge of a cupcake and I usually did nothing productive with my life until after 12 PM. Even at that point, productivity equated to walking down dorm road to go into the campus cafeteria to eat a fried chicken sandwich drenched in buffalo sauce. The model of productivity. I think in that year I pushed a lot of limits. I pushed myself to the brink of giving into temptation and indulgence. After all I did everything in life 100% or not at all.

It was that same year that I decided I wanted to do something better with my life and Join our nation’s finest fighting force. The United State’s Marines. In attempting to do so I showed up at a recruiting office where a short, Female, Gunnery Sergeant told me something no one had the balls to say to me in a long time. It was something I really needed to hear.

“You’re fat.” she said. “You need to lose twenty pounds before I can even consider you for entry into our program.” She followed up with some very pointed and terse questioning. “How far can you run? Can you even run a mile? Can you do a pull-up?”

I was flabber-gasted, I had been in her office for 10 minutes and this women had already called me fat and questioned my manhood twice. She ended by pointing out, “listen you can figure this out and get in shape. It’s not going to be easy. Start running. Every day.”

That was the awesome, educated, and effective advice I received to lose 20 lbs, “run every day.” I did what I was told and started small. I found some other effective ways to improve my fitness, but running was the one constant I engaged in every day. When I finally got the balls, I started running up the mountain situated right next to my dorm room. Late night parties were generally followed by a painful run up that mountain. One that usually resulted in me jumping off of the trails to hurl last night’s mistakes into the tree-line. Then back on the trail for more pain. Eventually I learned to moderate some of my night time actions so that I could perform better in training.

After a lot of hard work, I attended officer’s candidate school in Quantico, Virginia and graduated in the top 10% of my platoon. The chunky fat kid wasn’t fat any longer and I owed a lot of that to the real life metaphor that was sleeping giant mountain. Every time I got to the bottom of that mountain I had to start running towards the hardest trail I could discover. It started flat and rocky, then it got steep and rocky. At some points I had to bear crawl and struggle for air to push on further. Moments were harder than others and it always ended with me standing on top, thankful for the hard lessons the mountain taught me.

When I return to that mountain (which now isn’t much of a mountain compared to some of the different peaks I have crested) I am reminded of all of the hard work I put in to get to where I am today. In the achievement oriented society we live in I think it is important to reflect on the things we have accomplished. To consider how far we have come even though we may be in search of accomplishing other goals. I believe people who can set goals and achieve them have a universal skill. One they can apply anywhere as long as the path is made clear to them. That mountain reminds me of how far I had to come to earn the title Marine Officer.

Today I no longer wear a uniform and frequently I find myself questioning my identity. I wonder who I am, where I am heading, what is the legacy I will leave behind. Running up the mountain reminds me that people will remember me as a man who took on challenges and set out to achieve them. Running down the mountain reminds me there will be more challenges in life as there always are. Who ever you are, where ever you may be. If you’re reading this, there is something you have accomplished previously that you can build upon. Even if it was just graduating high school. You set a goal and achieved it. Remind yourself of that and take that courage to push yourself forward to try new challenges. Go out and climb that fucking mountain.

I keep hearing people throw this term around in light of the quarantine regarding the concept of Dangerous Freedom vs Safe Slavery. Inferring that we as a people are trading in our freedoms out of fear of the uncertainty of this time period. To be clear I am a huge proponent for limiting the government’s ability to infringe upon the decisions I make with my life on a daily basis. At the same time I am so irritated by the fact that so many of us have such an inability to sacrifice our own personal desires for the benefit of something greater than ourselves.

Our nation was founded by rough men willing to do violence on the behalf of their countrymen and women. That history has led to a proud tradition of carrying on as a nation that fiercely supports and defends the Constitution. Which brings me to the major contradiction I myself am struggling with at this time. I do personally believe that forced quarantine is in fact an unlawful search and seizure. However I am willing to sacrifice that freedom temporarily in order to benefit the collective. There are always selfish individuals who serve their own interests first.

Ask anyone who spent time in the military what it is like to try and get an entire group of people to behave themselves in order to benefit the group and they will roll their eyes. When I was a platoon commander I was the guy who signed his platoon up for additional training during a four-day weekend. When we returned from training my Marines were smoked. I promised them I would go get them two, three-day weekends to make up for this. After that I made it clear that they were all secured to very restrictive liberty bounds (a 50 mile radius of the base). They all promised they would be on their best behavior throughout the weekend so I could negotiate these two, three-day weekends with our commanding officer (CO).

The following day, in the midst of discussing this with my CO, and presenting a pointed argument for how hard my Marines were working to earn this additional benefit, I learned a valuable lesson in the selfishness of the finest men our nation has to offer. Our Company First Sergeant walked in to the office and interrupted us.

“Gentlemen, happy I found you both. Lieutenant McCarthy, 3 of your Machine Gunners just called. They’re in a jail cell down in Atlanta, Georgia. I’m trying to arrange for someone to get down there and pay their bail.”

My jaw was on the floor because Atlanta was 8 hours away and my platoon had been back from training for no more than 14 hours. This, paired with the fact that my Marines all knew our ability to get two additional 3 day weekends depended on their good behavior. Ironically, the two Marines sitting in a prison cell at that moment were the two Marines I was looking dead in the eye as I said, “Don’t fuck this up.” The silence in the room ended with a smirk on my COs face when he said, “Well McCarthy, I know a platoon commander and three machine gunners who are getting a three-day weekend to make a road trip back from Georgia.”

Fortunately I didn’t have to go pick those knuckleheads up. They ended up getting bailed out by a family-member. I also love those Marines. I don’t hate them for making a selfish move. They took a risk, and we don’t want young men who are scared to take risks at the tip of our nation’s spear. We want crazy, testosterone-filled, muscle-bound, individuals who are going to be willing to charge a machine-gun bunker and kill a man with their bare hands. You can’t have one without the other.

I talk about these three individuals mostly because they demonstrate the problem our nation faces today. We are not a people who will idly sit by and be told to stay in their homes until further notice. I don’t know if re-opening is the answer. 1.5 million deaths is a statistic being thrown around as something we estimate happening in response to the re-opening. That’s 1/2 of a percent of the population when we view it from Joseph Stalin’s Perspective (“1 million deaths is a statistic”). When that person dying is your mother, or father that you cannot even sit next to as they pass away, 1 death is too great of a price to pay.

I don’t want to sacrifice my freedoms. I don’t want to live my life scared. I want to go out and experience the short time I have on this earth because it is in fact very short in the grand scheme of things. I don’t want to be the one responsible for others losing loved ones either. I choose safe slavery if it means another day with every member of my family. I’m willing to sacrifice the now for a greater future. What I know, is there are a lot of things going on right now that we actually don’t know about. Whether it’s a discussion of dealing with pestilence or going off to war there is definitely a constant similarity. The chest-beaters and the war-drummers are always the loudest about how we should forget about the risk and charge off for glory. Those people are usually always the first ones to find an excuse not to sign up to be on the front line of conflict.

If you liked this post please share it with a friend or loved one.

About the Author

John McCarthy is a Father, Son, Husband and former Marine Infantry Officer. He serves his local community and just wants to push people to be better humans. Check out the Tough Talk Podcast and other writings on this website to learn more.

Like what you see? Check out more.

• Adaptation Is a Beautiful Thing
• Trying Out The Wim Hof Method
• The Skills Evolution Forgot
• The Optimal Morning Routine Is Not All It Is Cracked Up To Be.
• Business Leadership Vs. Battlefield Prowess

Join Our Followers

There is an extremely popular philosophy out of Japan known as Kaizen that has gained great traction in the business world. It is the theory of constant improvement or “constant continuous improvement.” This theory perpetuates itself in the business world today, and can be heard in strategy discussion in board rooms across any major metropolis. Innovate or die has become the hallmark in this school of thought. Yet, you no longer need to be an executive or manager to try and implement this theory. You can continuously improve upon yourself on a daily basis.

Self improvement is one of the fastest growing markets around today. I can remember being a young man and picking up a book about how to develop the ability to talk to women. This school of thought (now mostly non-existent) known as “pick-up” was my first foray into the world of self-improvement. I was an extroverted kid who knew how to approach anyone but still seemed to strike out with girls. One book later and I was approaching women I never had the balls to talk to before. Finally someone had given me a system I could use and implement. I didn’t have to think about what I was doing anymore I could use someone else’s patented approach.

I also can remember keeping it under wraps that I had read this kind of book. I didn’t want the world to know I was “improving on myself.” To improve upon yourself meant that you admitted there was something wrong with you. Then the enlightenment of the information age began to happen. We all started to accept the theory of continuous and constant improvement. A market opened up where you could purchase books to learn about how certain people organized their morning routines, email inboxes, and prioritized their lives. The information age perpetuated the sharing of best practices and self-improvement tactics to a point never before seen. In stepped master-mind groups and now you can take master-mind courses on anything including starting your own podcast.

Can there be too much self improvement?

A person I consider a close personal friend and earliest podcast guest first introduced this concept to me. He actually outlines his argument really well in this blog post. Eventually we hit a point of overload on the self improvement train. Apparently this theory has been extremely well thought out and written about in the discussion of liquid modernity. Basically it is a social theory that points out that it becomes increasingly impossible to find a lasting identity in the age of post-modernism we currently find ourselves in. In other words we can fall into a continuous cycle of trying to find ourselves in a world that evolves over and over with technology.

You probably find yourself falling into this right now. You’re doing all of these things, but you can’t find your sense of fulfillment. You keep trying new methods and none of them are improving you, enough. You’re stuck on the exercise wheel of life trying your hardest to improve in the hopes of making it to the finish line where you will have finally done something worth while. Yet you never reach that sense of fulfillment you are constantly chasing.

That’s because Jim Collins, David Allen, and Barbara Sher are not going to give you the tools to achieve a fulfilled life. As Ben Bergeron points out, “Happiness does not lie on the other side of achievement. It lies in the journey.” Life is not about reaching the finish line. We as a people need to become ok with that. I think martial artists have perfected this craft. They understand that you can spend your entire life working to perfect the execution of a single move. Which brings me to the second trap of self-improvement, getting lost in something very difficult for the sake of it being difficult.

Sometimes you do fall into the wrong process, set of actions, or head down a bad path. This wrong turn requires a reset, or what I like to call a tactical pause. That moment where you stop everything, step up on the balcony and review the actions going on in the ballroom below you before you make a decision. So how do we ensure we are not spending too much time trying to constantly improve vs. doing hard things for the sake of doing hard things?

Execution is everything

When we finish trying to optimize everything, improve every process, maximize every return we actually start to make progress toward a goal. When we stop ourselves from getting caught in the minutiae we begin inching toward actual achievement. In the end execution is everything. The perfect plan that never gets executed is never better than the 50% plan that does. It’s a mantra that echoes through the heads of strategists, military personnel, and winners everywhere. Losers don’t execute.

We do not look back with reverence on the stories of losers. Forbes does not write articles about people who fail. Our nation does not give medals to people who have a valiant thought about taking down a machine gun bunker. We reward those people whose faces are marred by dust, and, sweat, and blood. I’m all for optimization. For taking the straight path toward achievement as opposed to the circuitous one. There are always people before us who have learned lessons the hard way so that we don’t have to.

Yet eventually you need to put the book down and do your damn job. You need to execute. Many of us are afraid of failure in the process of doing so. Dealing with fear is another problem entirely. Failure and fear are amazing teachers. If you fail at least you’ll fail while daring greatly. No one wants to reflect upon their life and be list their name in the group of people who didn’t execute. Ensure you are one of those people benefitting from self-improvement and not using it as an excuse to stop you from achieving your goals.

Quarantine is forcing a serious uptick in content creation. People who would normally focus their productivity elsewhere are forced indoors with nothing left to do but think. My fellow extroverts the world over are craving an outlet to express themselves and interact with others in a world where they see the same scenery and people day in and day out. A lot of people have been reaching out to me about starting a podcast and asking questions about how to do so. After all there are so many different decisions that you have to make in terms of:

Where to host your feed?

What kind of microphone to buy?

What applications you should use to record your podcast?

Why you should start a Podcast

Most importantly it is your constitutional right to share any message you have with the world. This flow of information is a supplementary check to our government that is embedded within your first amendment right to free speech. After all yellow journalism and muck-raking were a severe check to our government and business in the early 19th century. The only way a movement gains footing is when the people are educated about it. 20 years ago there were severe obstacles and barriers to entry for people who wanted to share a message with the world. Now-a-days the gatekeeper is dead. You can literally click any of the links above start a podcast tomorrow and no one can stop you. We are in unprecedented times.

The growth of podcasting and projected growth is enough to make you want to hop in on the tidal wave. I met a random dude in a cigar shop who convinced me to quit bullshitting and start my podcast. His comment, “A rising tide raises all ships. If you bring more people to podcasting it helps me as a podcast producer and content creator.” Podcasting is growing extremely fast right now. Take these highlights for example

• More than 50% of homes are listening to Podcasts
• Neilson Reported that 16 million Americans identify as Avid Podcast Fans
• Podcast listening on smartphones has increased by 157% since 2014
• Podcast Listeners are Loyal, affluent, and educated

Podcasting has afforded me the opportunity to sit down for an hour uninterrupted and interview, Forbes 30 under 30 CEOs, Masters of Negotiation, Founding Directors of Centers for Psychological Research, and thought leaders. It’s an amazing opportunity to participate in and I’m thankful to have started mine a year ago.

Launch Right now

The tech world has discovered something amazing in terms of developing a process to deliver to clients and end users. Identify the minimum viable product and deliver it as soon as possible. Get it in front of users and ask them what they like, don’t like, and what they want. We don’t need to restrict this process to software delivery. I cover my theory for how to implement this in starting a podcast or applying it anywhere in life in “Leading an Agile Life.”

In the military we used a term, “we’re going to need to build this plan while we fly it.” Making it clear that time had priority and we needed to avoid planing and start taking action. There are absolutely times when you need to sit down and plan deliberate action. I don’t think content creation is one of those things. Your first episode is probably going to be awful. That is cool, it’s the only way you’re going to learn anything and find your voice.

I started PMP thinking it was going to focus on lessons learned from history and while I still do that, it is not the focus of the podcast. Instead I focus on sharing the life system that has made me successful as an individual. Health, Wealth, Relationships and the intersection of all three in order to help others find a sense of purpose, values, and belonging. My good friend Jim Gay, author and extremely fit dad, always told me “1000 small launches are always better than one gigantic launch.” He often followed up with, that one launch never happens. It’s never a good time to start a podcast with everything else you have going on. Just start putting content out and learn.

This is a test in marketing

With the 1,000,000 podcasts that exist in the world, you now need to have an extremely tight product to maintain the intentions of listeners. Joe Rogan is releasing 3 hour long episodes but experts are already predicting that podcasts will become shorter and shorter as time goes on. In the end you need to determine what you want to say no to, and what kind of content you want to put out to the world. If you want to talk for 3 hours that’s your right. Just make sure you market to those audiences who want to listen to something for an hour.

Tim Ferris taught me early on that we shouldn’t be obsessed with reaching everyone. Marketing experts call this niching down. Kevin Kelly (wired founder) refers to shooting for 1000 true fans at first. Then 10,000 then 100,000. Basically, you want to hyper define your audience. You don’t want to start a podcast. You want to start a podcast for young working professional and veteran males in between the ages of 25-35 who like self-improvement, fitness, finance, and interacting with people. This helps you to find out what kind of content to create, and how to reach this uber-defined audience.

Find out the things they like and reach out to them directly in places they already exist. If your lucky you’ll be able to find a podcast that already has captured the majority of that audience, go on the show, and share with them about your own show. In the end you want to create content that self-promotes. Content that people are recommending and sharing with their friends. That being said you still need to get out there and draw people’s attention to it. Otherwise it’s just going to sit out in the ether, unconsumed.

This doesn’t happen overnight unless you have already developed a following

We live in the amazon prime world. With that we think that we are going to receive a huge following immediately. After all, look at all of these other podcasts that reach 1 million downloads. They’re not you. You’re running your own race and they are not. This isn’t going to happen over night and you need to be ok with that. My good friend taught me that podcasting isn’t going to make you rich, so if you’re looking to get into this for the money you’re headed in the wrong direction.

You absolutely have an ability to monetize your podcast. I just doubt that will happen until you’ve really built up a loyal and consistent listenership. Start with a goal of 100 fans and go from there. I’ve had the opportunity to meet and talk to a lot of successful podcasters and I catalogued that in this post: Lessons learned from 3 wildly successful podcasting veterans.

I would recommend reading that and starting today.

Let’s Leave a Legacy!

If you liked this post please share it with a friend or loved one.

About the Author

John McCarthy is a Father, Son, Husband and former Marine Infantry Officer. He serves his local community and just wants to push people to be better humans. Check out the Tough Talk Podcast and other writings on this website to learn more.

Like what you see? Check out more.

• Adaptation Is a Beautiful Thing
• Trying Out The Wim Hof Method
• The Skills Evolution Forgot
• The Optimal Morning Routine Is Not All It Is Cracked Up To Be.
• Business Leadership Vs. Battlefield Prowess

Join Our Followers